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[He’d already confessed to her, it was just a matter of making that mean something -
- but even he can notice that something’s shifted in Eren. He looks at him with some confusion and concern.]
…You okay?
- but even he can notice that something’s shifted in Eren. He looks at him with some confusion and concern.]
…You okay?
[Eren's face contorts with pain. He curls into Subaru, putting his head on the boy's chest. He pulls him closer.
[He has to be tired of hearing shitty news from Eren by this point, but isn't...the basis of that promise they made that they can be honest with each other? The words burn on his tongue. Every day, this just rots inside of him.]
Up to the end, I never told her how I felt. I tried to give her what I could, but...
[That grip becomes just a little tighter again.]
She's the one that had to kill me. She's...the last thing I ever saw...
[His voice gets very quiet.] Please...never tell Mikasa I told you that...
[He has to be tired of hearing shitty news from Eren by this point, but isn't...the basis of that promise they made that they can be honest with each other? The words burn on his tongue. Every day, this just rots inside of him.]
Up to the end, I never told her how I felt. I tried to give her what I could, but...
[That grip becomes just a little tighter again.]
She's the one that had to kill me. She's...the last thing I ever saw...
[His voice gets very quiet.] Please...never tell Mikasa I told you that...
[Subaru places a hand on Eren’s head, with one single stroke of his hair. He’d been leaning a lot on him so far, it was time he returned the favour.]
…I promise.
[He can’t imagine it, keeping those feelings inside for so long - and then to meet his fate at her hands.
If it were Emilia…]
I won’t tell anyone.
…I promise.
[He can’t imagine it, keeping those feelings inside for so long - and then to meet his fate at her hands.
If it were Emilia…]
I won’t tell anyone.
[Eren squeezes his eyes shut tight, subconsciously leaning into that touch on his head. His free hand comes up, fingers curling around the fabric of Subaru's shirt at the chest.]
Your life doesn't have to end that way...but it could end before you managed to be together...
You can't let that happen...
Your life doesn't have to end that way...but it could end before you managed to be together...
You can't let that happen...
[A life where he’s never with Emilia…]
I won’t.
[His voice is firm. Reassuring.]
I’ve told Emilia how I feel about her. Now, I’ll just make her fall in love with me!
[It’s no small feat, to get someone to fall for you; but Subaru’s conquered far more impossible tasks.]
I won’t.
[His voice is firm. Reassuring.]
I’ve told Emilia how I feel about her. Now, I’ll just make her fall in love with me!
[It’s no small feat, to get someone to fall for you; but Subaru’s conquered far more impossible tasks.]
[Doesn't seem all that impossible, really. Eren figures it's a matter of time.]
You will...
[He turns his head, cheek pressed firmly against Subaru's chest. He can hear his heartbeat. It's nice. He wonders if Subaru thinks so too. Sleeping alone really is miserable. Eren's fingers scratch idly at his back.]
Do you consider yourself a special person...?
You will...
[He turns his head, cheek pressed firmly against Subaru's chest. He can hear his heartbeat. It's nice. He wonders if Subaru thinks so too. Sleeping alone really is miserable. Eren's fingers scratch idly at his back.]
Do you consider yourself a special person...?
Eh? Where’d that come from?
[Subaru’s heartbeat changes at the line of questioning; it picks up an anxious pace.]
[Subaru’s heartbeat changes at the line of questioning; it picks up an anxious pace.]
I…
[He isn’t. He isn’t special at all. That’s the monster hiding in the closet, what he’s been avoiding all this while; there’s nothing there, nothing remarkable about him at all. Return by Death is all he had to claim any difference with.
If he tries to say otherwise, Eren will see right through it. He’s sure of that.
He swallows.]
I used to.
[He isn’t. He isn’t special at all. That’s the monster hiding in the closet, what he’s been avoiding all this while; there’s nothing there, nothing remarkable about him at all. Return by Death is all he had to claim any difference with.
If he tries to say otherwise, Eren will see right through it. He’s sure of that.
He swallows.]
I used to.
…When I was a kid, I was pretty good at stuff. I was fast. I was clever. The other kids wanted to be around me. I was special.
[That’s Kenichi’s son for you.]
When I got older, the other kids started catching up. Suddenly, the things I was good at, I just became average at. It’s like everyone else moved forward, and I was stuck in place.
[He remembers it clearly; that first race where he was overtaken, the other children losing interest in him, his desperate attempts to stay relevant.]
…That’s when I realised, I wasn’t special at all.
[That’s Kenichi’s son for you.]
When I got older, the other kids started catching up. Suddenly, the things I was good at, I just became average at. It’s like everyone else moved forward, and I was stuck in place.
[He remembers it clearly; that first race where he was overtaken, the other children losing interest in him, his desperate attempts to stay relevant.]
…That’s when I realised, I wasn’t special at all.
Mm...[Eren nods against Subaru's chest.]
I thought I was special for a long time too. I had a power nobody else did. I was supposed to save humanity.
[Really, he only knew he had that power for a few short weeks before arriving here, but...with his memories from the end, that feels like years ago.]
By the end...I was more powerful than I'd ever been. I might as well have been a god.
[But...]
I wasn't special at all. Just another garden variety idiot with something to prove...
[And that's exactly where humanity's fatal flaw lies, isn't it? You can't just hand power like that to anyone...]
I miss feeling special. But I never was, really.
[So, they really are the same - again.]
I thought I was special for a long time too. I had a power nobody else did. I was supposed to save humanity.
[Really, he only knew he had that power for a few short weeks before arriving here, but...with his memories from the end, that feels like years ago.]
By the end...I was more powerful than I'd ever been. I might as well have been a god.
[But...]
I wasn't special at all. Just another garden variety idiot with something to prove...
[And that's exactly where humanity's fatal flaw lies, isn't it? You can't just hand power like that to anyone...]
I miss feeling special. But I never was, really.
[So, they really are the same - again.]
[He thinks on the contrary - Eren is someone deeply special, and this only proves it more.
He ought to tell him that. But instead, he breathes a laugh.]
…Man, we‘re both garden variety idiots, then, huh?
He ought to tell him that. But instead, he breathes a laugh.]
…Man, we‘re both garden variety idiots, then, huh?
[It's better that he didn't, really...
[Maybe Subaru isn't special. Eren doesn't know. He means something to him, though.]
Yeah, I guess so.
[He could kiss him for that alone, honestly. Feet bump and brush. The hand on Subaru's chest splays out flat. That's all...]
No pressure there, at least...huh?
[Maybe Subaru isn't special. Eren doesn't know. He means something to him, though.]
Yeah, I guess so.
[He could kiss him for that alone, honestly. Feet bump and brush. The hand on Subaru's chest splays out flat. That's all...]
No pressure there, at least...huh?
[His heart is still beating anxiously in his chest, rabbit-like in its quickness. Calm. He needs it to calm.]
Yeah…no pressure. When you’re in the company of idiots, you don’t have to worry.
[He says it like some kind of proverb…]
Yeah…no pressure. When you’re in the company of idiots, you don’t have to worry.
[He says it like some kind of proverb…]
Eh?
[He says, like he’s not keenly aware.]
I-I guess just talking about that stuff got me feeling pretty anxious, that’s all…
[That’s all.]
[He says, like he’s not keenly aware.]
I-I guess just talking about that stuff got me feeling pretty anxious, that’s all…
[That’s all.]
[Subaru comes to a conclusion in his mind: there is absolutely, positively, no way he can fall asleep like this!
But Eren is warm, and it’s hard not to feel safe around him. His time is ticking down.]
It’s not good for you to be right all the time. [His back arches slightly, not unlike a cat, at the touch.] If you’re not careful, it’s all gonna go to your head.
But Eren is warm, and it’s hard not to feel safe around him. His time is ticking down.]
It’s not good for you to be right all the time. [His back arches slightly, not unlike a cat, at the touch.] If you’re not careful, it’s all gonna go to your head.
[Despite everything, Eren is still a creature of Pride. Additionally, he is pretty certain that he's right all the time; yes, even then...
[It's enough to make him smile just a little, but Subaru can't see it. Eren's fingers curl and drag over his friend's back. He knows how much he likes the way that feels. If Subaru's saying that he's right, then he'll show him how right he is.]
Try to relax. I won't bite you.
[It's enough to make him smile just a little, but Subaru can't see it. Eren's fingers curl and drag over his friend's back. He knows how much he likes the way that feels. If Subaru's saying that he's right, then he'll show him how right he is.]
Try to relax. I won't bite you.
[Subaru mumbles:]
That’s really not what I’m worried about…
[And then tries to get some control of himself. Deep, regular breaths. 1, 2. There we go.]
That’s really not what I’m worried about…
[And then tries to get some control of himself. Deep, regular breaths. 1, 2. There we go.]
[He's way too easy...
[Eren shifts a leg until it's shin-to-shin with Subaru's. He's still pressed up against his heart, listening. Subaru is nervous, and it's cruel that he can't even get any satisfaction from knowing he's made his miserable friend smile.
[The fingers on Subaru's back dip down in a solid line against his spine; it's not a sharp gesture, but certainly measured. Eren can't help himself. It's just charming. Subaru gets so flustered over nothing...
[As we've all learned, Eren doesn't mind a power trip.]
What are you worried about? [Even with the dry tone, it sounds slightly teasing.]
[Eren shifts a leg until it's shin-to-shin with Subaru's. He's still pressed up against his heart, listening. Subaru is nervous, and it's cruel that he can't even get any satisfaction from knowing he's made his miserable friend smile.
[The fingers on Subaru's back dip down in a solid line against his spine; it's not a sharp gesture, but certainly measured. Eren can't help himself. It's just charming. Subaru gets so flustered over nothing...
[As we've all learned, Eren doesn't mind a power trip.]
What are you worried about? [Even with the dry tone, it sounds slightly teasing.]
[That - and with the changes in Eren’s position - seems to catch him off guard.]
N-nothing!
[There is nothing going through his head right now, no sir.]
N-nothing!
[There is nothing going through his head right now, no sir.]
[A-ah…he’s really going to sleep right there, isn’t he? This must just be normal for him…]
…Goodnight, Eren.
…Goodnight, Eren.
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