[He isn’t. He isn’t special at all. That’s the monster hiding in the closet, what he’s been avoiding all this while; there’s nothing there, nothing remarkable about him at all. Return by Death is all he had to claim any difference with.
If he tries to say otherwise, Eren will see right through it. He’s sure of that.
…When I was a kid, I was pretty good at stuff. I was fast. I was clever. The other kids wanted to be around me. I was special.
[That’s Kenichi’s son for you.]
When I got older, the other kids started catching up. Suddenly, the things I was good at, I just became average at. It’s like everyone else moved forward, and I was stuck in place.
[He remembers it clearly; that first race where he was overtaken, the other children losing interest in him, his desperate attempts to stay relevant.]
[Subaru comes to a conclusion in his mind: there is absolutely, positively, no way he can fall asleep like this!
But Eren is warm, and it’s hard not to feel safe around him. His time is ticking down.]
It’s not good for you to be right all the time. [His back arches slightly, not unlike a cat, at the touch.] If you’re not careful, it’s all gonna go to your head.
[Despite everything, Eren is still a creature of Pride. Additionally, he is pretty certain that he's right all the time; yes, even then...
[It's enough to make him smile just a little, but Subaru can't see it. Eren's fingers curl and drag over his friend's back. He knows how much he likes the way that feels. If Subaru's saying that he's right, then he'll show him how right he is.]
[Eren shifts a leg until it's shin-to-shin with Subaru's. He's still pressed up against his heart, listening. Subaru is nervous, and it's cruel that he can't even get any satisfaction from knowing he's made his miserable friend smile.
[The fingers on Subaru's back dip down in a solid line against his spine; it's not a sharp gesture, but certainly measured. Eren can't help himself. It's just charming. Subaru gets so flustered over nothing...
[As we've all learned, Eren doesn't mind a power trip.]
What are you worried about? [Even with the dry tone, it sounds slightly teasing.]
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[He isn’t. He isn’t special at all. That’s the monster hiding in the closet, what he’s been avoiding all this while; there’s nothing there, nothing remarkable about him at all. Return by Death is all he had to claim any difference with.
If he tries to say otherwise, Eren will see right through it. He’s sure of that.
He swallows.]
I used to.
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[That’s Kenichi’s son for you.]
When I got older, the other kids started catching up. Suddenly, the things I was good at, I just became average at. It’s like everyone else moved forward, and I was stuck in place.
[He remembers it clearly; that first race where he was overtaken, the other children losing interest in him, his desperate attempts to stay relevant.]
…That’s when I realised, I wasn’t special at all.
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I thought I was special for a long time too. I had a power nobody else did. I was supposed to save humanity.
[Really, he only knew he had that power for a few short weeks before arriving here, but...with his memories from the end, that feels like years ago.]
By the end...I was more powerful than I'd ever been. I might as well have been a god.
[But...]
I wasn't special at all. Just another garden variety idiot with something to prove...
[And that's exactly where humanity's fatal flaw lies, isn't it? You can't just hand power like that to anyone...]
I miss feeling special. But I never was, really.
[So, they really are the same - again.]
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He ought to tell him that. But instead, he breathes a laugh.]
…Man, we‘re both garden variety idiots, then, huh?
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[Maybe Subaru isn't special. Eren doesn't know. He means something to him, though.]
Yeah, I guess so.
[He could kiss him for that alone, honestly. Feet bump and brush. The hand on Subaru's chest splays out flat. That's all...]
No pressure there, at least...huh?
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Yeah…no pressure. When you’re in the company of idiots, you don’t have to worry.
[He says it like some kind of proverb…]
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Your heart is racing...[Mumbled, quiet. He doesn't seem to mind.]
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[He says, like he’s not keenly aware.]
I-I guess just talking about that stuff got me feeling pretty anxious, that’s all…
[That’s all.]
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[He's really cute, actually.]
It feels good, right? [Fingers comb over Subaru's back, feet brushing.] Told you.
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But Eren is warm, and it’s hard not to feel safe around him. His time is ticking down.]
It’s not good for you to be right all the time. [His back arches slightly, not unlike a cat, at the touch.] If you’re not careful, it’s all gonna go to your head.
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[It's enough to make him smile just a little, but Subaru can't see it. Eren's fingers curl and drag over his friend's back. He knows how much he likes the way that feels. If Subaru's saying that he's right, then he'll show him how right he is.]
Try to relax. I won't bite you.
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That’s really not what I’m worried about…
[And then tries to get some control of himself. Deep, regular breaths. 1, 2. There we go.]
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[Eren shifts a leg until it's shin-to-shin with Subaru's. He's still pressed up against his heart, listening. Subaru is nervous, and it's cruel that he can't even get any satisfaction from knowing he's made his miserable friend smile.
[The fingers on Subaru's back dip down in a solid line against his spine; it's not a sharp gesture, but certainly measured. Eren can't help himself. It's just charming. Subaru gets so flustered over nothing...
[As we've all learned, Eren doesn't mind a power trip.]
What are you worried about? [Even with the dry tone, it sounds slightly teasing.]
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N-nothing!
[There is nothing going through his head right now, no sir.]
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[Eren's going to kiss him the next time he sees him.
[He intertwines their legs together, closes his eyes.]
Night. Subaru.
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…Goodnight, Eren.