[Subaru pulls away to look at him, and Eren's chest misses the weight, the warmth. Subaru's doing as much for him as he's doing for Subaru. He frowns, and for a minute, he looks human again. His arms don't leave his friend.]
I didn't deserve that party...and I don't deserve anyone's care...
Don't deny it - we both know it's true.
Still, I...[Why can't he meet Subaru's eyes, suddenly?]
I didn't want you to hate me. I don't...
[And after Eren confessed everything, and Subaru didn't hate him - looking at him feels completely different now. Idly, Eren realizes his heart is racing.]
[At that, Subaru’s face softens. Even though he’s a useless person, he still managed to make someone he cares about feel better.
And that’s what it’s about, right?]
…I’m glad. [There’s a warmth to his smile, his eyes.] I meant what I said, you know. I’m going to save you. Not because you’re a good person, who deserves it…but because I want to.
[Eren can't be saved. He knows that now; he also knows what it's like to need something to fight for, and the emptiness he feels now that he has nothing. If that's what Subaru needs, then he won't take it from him.
[He's so much more than he was when they first met. Eren will never be able to look at him the same way; will never be unseen again.
[It isn't fair, the way he leans forward, presses their foreheads together. To be loved by Eren is to suffer. Subaru will get burned too. He closes his eyes.]
I guess...there's nothing I can do to stop you, then. Subaru.
[Eren is…awfully close. He has been for a while now, with the two of them entangled, but only now has he really become aware of it.
It makes his pulse quicken. He doesn’t know what to attribute it to.
There’s the impulse to pull away, embarrassed, but isn’t that reading too much into it? He and Eren are just sharing a moment, one that means so much to both of them. He’d loathe to ruin it.]
…Guess not. [He says, after too long a pause. His words are a little too quick, voice a little too nervous.] S-so don’t try to fight it, okay?
[It feels good to be close; something natural to Eren. He never did shy away from getting close to a friend, a comrade, when the situation called for it. In the cadets' barracks, they all shared beds. It's natural, but...
[There is this impulse - it screams "fuck it". Nothing matters anymore. With their heads pressed together, he can feel breath on his lips, and he knows what comes next.
[But he and Subaru aren't like that.
[Eren leans away. When he drops his arms from around Subaru's neck, he brushes a hand roughly through the boy's hair.]
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I'm just the same as you.
[...]
It's a shit consolation, but what you've done...is worth something to me.
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It feels like it means a lot, actually.
He peels himself from Eren, just enough to look at him properly.]
…Really?
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I didn't deserve that party...and I don't deserve anyone's care...
Don't deny it - we both know it's true.
Still, I...[Why can't he meet Subaru's eyes, suddenly?]
I didn't want you to hate me. I don't...
[And after Eren confessed everything, and Subaru didn't hate him - looking at him feels completely different now. Idly, Eren realizes his heart is racing.]
It felt better...sleeping that night. After you.
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And that’s what it’s about, right?]
…I’m glad. [There’s a warmth to his smile, his eyes.] I meant what I said, you know. I’m going to save you. Not because you’re a good person, who deserves it…but because I want to.
[He can be a selfish guy like that.]
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[He's so much more than he was when they first met. Eren will never be able to look at him the same way; will never be unseen again.
[It isn't fair, the way he leans forward, presses their foreheads together. To be loved by Eren is to suffer. Subaru will get burned too. He closes his eyes.]
I guess...there's nothing I can do to stop you, then. Subaru.
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It makes his pulse quicken. He doesn’t know what to attribute it to.
There’s the impulse to pull away, embarrassed, but isn’t that reading too much into it? He and Eren are just sharing a moment, one that means so much to both of them. He’d loathe to ruin it.]
…Guess not. [He says, after too long a pause. His words are a little too quick, voice a little too nervous.] S-so don’t try to fight it, okay?
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[It feels good to be close; something natural to Eren. He never did shy away from getting close to a friend, a comrade, when the situation called for it. In the cadets' barracks, they all shared beds. It's natural, but...
[There is this impulse - it screams "fuck it". Nothing matters anymore. With their heads pressed together, he can feel breath on his lips, and he knows what comes next.
[But he and Subaru aren't like that.
[Eren leans away. When he drops his arms from around Subaru's neck, he brushes a hand roughly through the boy's hair.]
Alright. I won't, then.
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Just what exactly was that?
There’s no time, no chance to unpack it. Everything’s moved on. He decides he doesn’t need to.
They’re just friends. They’re just really good friends.]
R-right… [He’s a little dazed, but then nods.] Good! Yeah, that’s good.
[Help him.]
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We're not done yet.
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[He sighs, back to his usual self. He takes his hand and gets up.]
Wait - we didn’t even get to have lunch yet!