[One of Eren's arms finds its way around Subaru's middle, loosely wrapping. Their knees bump together under the covers, and Eren doesn't shy away, settling in instead. He lays his head on the pillow and watches Subaru. Eventually he nods.]
Yeah, I do...
My wife...[After the cabin, he refuses to call her anything else.] We've known each other since we were nine years old. She lived with my family when we were kids.
[He almost can't believe he's saying it out loud to someone else, but...
[He thinks about his death, how the last thing he ever saw was her beautiful face...]
To me, there's no one else in the world more perfect.
Edited (that first part was before I wrote the rest of the tag) 2024-04-09 20:39 (UTC)
[That touch - Subaru feels his pulse quicken, slightly. He’s still not used to how hands-on of a person Eren seems to be.
But…it’s not unpleasant.]
…That’s how I feel about Emilia. [He can’t help it, the silly grin that spreads across his face at the thought of her.] I haven’t known her since I was a kid or anything like that, but she’s really special to me. And I’m gonna make her see that.
[Eren's face contorts with pain. He curls into Subaru, putting his head on the boy's chest. He pulls him closer.
[He has to be tired of hearing shitty news from Eren by this point, but isn't...the basis of that promise they made that they can be honest with each other? The words burn on his tongue. Every day, this just rots inside of him.]
Up to the end, I never told her how I felt. I tried to give her what I could, but...
[That grip becomes just a little tighter again.]
She's the one that had to kill me. She's...the last thing I ever saw...
[His voice gets very quiet.] Please...never tell Mikasa I told you that...
[Eren squeezes his eyes shut tight, subconsciously leaning into that touch on his head. His free hand comes up, fingers curling around the fabric of Subaru's shirt at the chest.]
Your life doesn't have to end that way...but it could end before you managed to be together...
[Doesn't seem all that impossible, really. Eren figures it's a matter of time.]
You will...
[He turns his head, cheek pressed firmly against Subaru's chest. He can hear his heartbeat. It's nice. He wonders if Subaru thinks so too. Sleeping alone really is miserable. Eren's fingers scratch idly at his back.]
[He isn’t. He isn’t special at all. That’s the monster hiding in the closet, what he’s been avoiding all this while; there’s nothing there, nothing remarkable about him at all. Return by Death is all he had to claim any difference with.
If he tries to say otherwise, Eren will see right through it. He’s sure of that.
…When I was a kid, I was pretty good at stuff. I was fast. I was clever. The other kids wanted to be around me. I was special.
[That’s Kenichi’s son for you.]
When I got older, the other kids started catching up. Suddenly, the things I was good at, I just became average at. It’s like everyone else moved forward, and I was stuck in place.
[He remembers it clearly; that first race where he was overtaken, the other children losing interest in him, his desperate attempts to stay relevant.]
[Subaru comes to a conclusion in his mind: there is absolutely, positively, no way he can fall asleep like this!
But Eren is warm, and it’s hard not to feel safe around him. His time is ticking down.]
It’s not good for you to be right all the time. [His back arches slightly, not unlike a cat, at the touch.] If you’re not careful, it’s all gonna go to your head.
[Despite everything, Eren is still a creature of Pride. Additionally, he is pretty certain that he's right all the time; yes, even then...
[It's enough to make him smile just a little, but Subaru can't see it. Eren's fingers curl and drag over his friend's back. He knows how much he likes the way that feels. If Subaru's saying that he's right, then he'll show him how right he is.]
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I can’t help it. You understand, right?
[After all, Eren has a partner…partners? of his own. He’d get it. Invoking them seems to ease some of the tension, relieve some of the awkwardness.]
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Yeah, I do...
My wife...[After the cabin, he refuses to call her anything else.] We've known each other since we were nine years old. She lived with my family when we were kids.
[He almost can't believe he's saying it out loud to someone else, but...
[He thinks about his death, how the last thing he ever saw was her beautiful face...]
To me, there's no one else in the world more perfect.
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But…it’s not unpleasant.]
…That’s how I feel about Emilia. [He can’t help it, the silly grin that spreads across his face at the thought of her.] I haven’t known her since I was a kid or anything like that, but she’s really special to me. And I’m gonna make her see that.
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[His voice is quiet. The dullness in his eyes has given way to pure misery. His grip on Subaru tightens, fingers grasping.]
When you get back home...don't wait a second longer.
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- but even he can notice that something’s shifted in Eren. He looks at him with some confusion and concern.]
…You okay?
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[He has to be tired of hearing shitty news from Eren by this point, but isn't...the basis of that promise they made that they can be honest with each other? The words burn on his tongue. Every day, this just rots inside of him.]
Up to the end, I never told her how I felt. I tried to give her what I could, but...
[That grip becomes just a little tighter again.]
She's the one that had to kill me. She's...the last thing I ever saw...
[His voice gets very quiet.] Please...never tell Mikasa I told you that...
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…I promise.
[He can’t imagine it, keeping those feelings inside for so long - and then to meet his fate at her hands.
If it were Emilia…]
I won’t tell anyone.
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Your life doesn't have to end that way...but it could end before you managed to be together...
You can't let that happen...
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I won’t.
[His voice is firm. Reassuring.]
I’ve told Emilia how I feel about her. Now, I’ll just make her fall in love with me!
[It’s no small feat, to get someone to fall for you; but Subaru’s conquered far more impossible tasks.]
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You will...
[He turns his head, cheek pressed firmly against Subaru's chest. He can hear his heartbeat. It's nice. He wonders if Subaru thinks so too. Sleeping alone really is miserable. Eren's fingers scratch idly at his back.]
Do you consider yourself a special person...?
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[Subaru’s heartbeat changes at the line of questioning; it picks up an anxious pace.]
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[He isn’t. He isn’t special at all. That’s the monster hiding in the closet, what he’s been avoiding all this while; there’s nothing there, nothing remarkable about him at all. Return by Death is all he had to claim any difference with.
If he tries to say otherwise, Eren will see right through it. He’s sure of that.
He swallows.]
I used to.
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[That’s Kenichi’s son for you.]
When I got older, the other kids started catching up. Suddenly, the things I was good at, I just became average at. It’s like everyone else moved forward, and I was stuck in place.
[He remembers it clearly; that first race where he was overtaken, the other children losing interest in him, his desperate attempts to stay relevant.]
…That’s when I realised, I wasn’t special at all.
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I thought I was special for a long time too. I had a power nobody else did. I was supposed to save humanity.
[Really, he only knew he had that power for a few short weeks before arriving here, but...with his memories from the end, that feels like years ago.]
By the end...I was more powerful than I'd ever been. I might as well have been a god.
[But...]
I wasn't special at all. Just another garden variety idiot with something to prove...
[And that's exactly where humanity's fatal flaw lies, isn't it? You can't just hand power like that to anyone...]
I miss feeling special. But I never was, really.
[So, they really are the same - again.]
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He ought to tell him that. But instead, he breathes a laugh.]
…Man, we‘re both garden variety idiots, then, huh?
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[Maybe Subaru isn't special. Eren doesn't know. He means something to him, though.]
Yeah, I guess so.
[He could kiss him for that alone, honestly. Feet bump and brush. The hand on Subaru's chest splays out flat. That's all...]
No pressure there, at least...huh?
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Yeah…no pressure. When you’re in the company of idiots, you don’t have to worry.
[He says it like some kind of proverb…]
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Your heart is racing...[Mumbled, quiet. He doesn't seem to mind.]
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[He says, like he’s not keenly aware.]
I-I guess just talking about that stuff got me feeling pretty anxious, that’s all…
[That’s all.]
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[He's really cute, actually.]
It feels good, right? [Fingers comb over Subaru's back, feet brushing.] Told you.
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But Eren is warm, and it’s hard not to feel safe around him. His time is ticking down.]
It’s not good for you to be right all the time. [His back arches slightly, not unlike a cat, at the touch.] If you’re not careful, it’s all gonna go to your head.
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[It's enough to make him smile just a little, but Subaru can't see it. Eren's fingers curl and drag over his friend's back. He knows how much he likes the way that feels. If Subaru's saying that he's right, then he'll show him how right he is.]
Try to relax. I won't bite you.
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That’s really not what I’m worried about…
[And then tries to get some control of himself. Deep, regular breaths. 1, 2. There we go.]
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