[Reiner is gone. Nowi is gone. Subaru can't promise that he isn't going anywhere; neither can Eren, but he has. He feels a lack of conviction when it comes to that promise now. He'd been so ready to take Vaeros on headfirst, make sure that people here had the choice. He still wants that, but maybe he isn't the type of person who can win a battle like that without complete destruction...
[Eren leans back on his hands, tilting his head back again and taking a deep breath. He pushes himself up from the bed and continues cleaning. It doesn't take long to get everything straightened. If Subaru lets him touch his room, he'll help there too.
[By the time the sun is down, he feels all at once exhausted.]
[Oh, right. He needs a change of clothes. Subaru hadn’t really given much thought to the practicalities of their sleepover all that much, to be honest.]
Yeah. I should have some spare pyjamas around here somewhere…
[He reaches into the closet and has a rummage around. Everything was neatly organised, but he’d let that get away from him too…]
Here. [He pulls out a pair, rather plain, and tosses them to Eren.] We’re probably around the same size, right?
[Eren says this while quite casually changing into the pajamas right there in the same room. A lot of the boundaries most people know kind of fall away when you've had to shower and change in front of thirty other people for most of your adolescence.
[He picks up his discarded clothes and starts folding them.]
[Eren definitely does not have a regular idea of boundaries…! Embarrassed, Subaru at least looks away to give him some privacy when he changes.
Honestly, it really shouldn’t be such a big deal, right…? They’re both guys, after all…]
Huh? [He turns when Eren speaks, relieved to see him dressed.] Oh - yeah, sure. I mean, you’ve been up and cleaning all this time, not to mention delivering food before that…
[It totally makes sense why he’d want to retire early!]
[Normal things that happen to normal people, that.
[He sure does talk about Emilia-tan a lot.]
Back home we would have counted sheep.
Never really worked for me...
[He scoots further onto the bed. It's not massive like the one he has at the cottage with Mikasa and Jean. He helps himself under the blanket, then holds it up for Subaru, as if it were him inviting the boy to his personal space, not the other way around.]
[One of Eren's arms finds its way around Subaru's middle, loosely wrapping. Their knees bump together under the covers, and Eren doesn't shy away, settling in instead. He lays his head on the pillow and watches Subaru. Eventually he nods.]
Yeah, I do...
My wife...[After the cabin, he refuses to call her anything else.] We've known each other since we were nine years old. She lived with my family when we were kids.
[He almost can't believe he's saying it out loud to someone else, but...
[He thinks about his death, how the last thing he ever saw was her beautiful face...]
To me, there's no one else in the world more perfect.
Edited (that first part was before I wrote the rest of the tag) 2024-04-09 20:39 (UTC)
[That touch - Subaru feels his pulse quicken, slightly. He’s still not used to how hands-on of a person Eren seems to be.
But…it’s not unpleasant.]
…That’s how I feel about Emilia. [He can’t help it, the silly grin that spreads across his face at the thought of her.] I haven’t known her since I was a kid or anything like that, but she’s really special to me. And I’m gonna make her see that.
[Eren's face contorts with pain. He curls into Subaru, putting his head on the boy's chest. He pulls him closer.
[He has to be tired of hearing shitty news from Eren by this point, but isn't...the basis of that promise they made that they can be honest with each other? The words burn on his tongue. Every day, this just rots inside of him.]
Up to the end, I never told her how I felt. I tried to give her what I could, but...
[That grip becomes just a little tighter again.]
She's the one that had to kill me. She's...the last thing I ever saw...
[His voice gets very quiet.] Please...never tell Mikasa I told you that...
[Eren squeezes his eyes shut tight, subconsciously leaning into that touch on his head. His free hand comes up, fingers curling around the fabric of Subaru's shirt at the chest.]
Your life doesn't have to end that way...but it could end before you managed to be together...
[Doesn't seem all that impossible, really. Eren figures it's a matter of time.]
You will...
[He turns his head, cheek pressed firmly against Subaru's chest. He can hear his heartbeat. It's nice. He wonders if Subaru thinks so too. Sleeping alone really is miserable. Eren's fingers scratch idly at his back.]
[He isn’t. He isn’t special at all. That’s the monster hiding in the closet, what he’s been avoiding all this while; there’s nothing there, nothing remarkable about him at all. Return by Death is all he had to claim any difference with.
If he tries to say otherwise, Eren will see right through it. He’s sure of that.
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…Yeah, I get that.
[He can’t help it; a little bit of pride to be the exception. It feels like a warm glow.]
Well, you can stay however long you want, until you feel like being around them again. It’s not like I’m going anywhere.
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[Eren leans back on his hands, tilting his head back again and taking a deep breath. He pushes himself up from the bed and continues cleaning. It doesn't take long to get everything straightened. If Subaru lets him touch his room, he'll help there too.
[By the time the sun is down, he feels all at once exhausted.]
Hey. Do you have something I could change into?
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Yeah. I should have some spare pyjamas around here somewhere…
[He reaches into the closet and has a rummage around. Everything was neatly organised, but he’d let that get away from him too…]
Here. [He pulls out a pair, rather plain, and tosses them to Eren.] We’re probably around the same size, right?
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[Eren says this while quite casually changing into the pajamas right there in the same room. A lot of the boundaries most people know kind of fall away when you've had to shower and change in front of thirty other people for most of your adolescence.
[He picks up his discarded clothes and starts folding them.]
It's early, but...let's lie down a while anyway.
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Honestly, it really shouldn’t be such a big deal, right…? They’re both guys, after all…]
Huh? [He turns when Eren speaks, relieved to see him dressed.] Oh - yeah, sure. I mean, you’ve been up and cleaning all this time, not to mention delivering food before that…
[It totally makes sense why he’d want to retire early!]
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Yeah...[He scratches a bit at the back of his head, awkward; when he talk, it looks like an admission.] Just haven't been sleeping that well, I guess.
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I can’t promise the comfiest bed in the world, but I do know a great way to fall asleep!
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What's that?
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[He says it triumphantly, like he’s revolutionised the game.
Only then does he realise-]
I guess it’s not so effective when you have no idea who that is, huh?
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[Eren takes a seat on the bed. It's plenty comfortable as far as he's concerned.]
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[He follows suit, sitting next to him on the bed. His movements are rather stiff and awkward.]
I guess anything cute and fluffy will do, but counting Pucks was the only way I could fall asleep before my date with Emilia-tan!
[Which…he died in the night shortly after. But that part’s not important here.]
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[He sure does talk about Emilia-tan a lot.]
Back home we would have counted sheep.
Never really worked for me...
[He scoots further onto the bed. It's not massive like the one he has at the cottage with Mikasa and Jean. He helps himself under the blanket, then holds it up for Subaru, as if it were him inviting the boy to his personal space, not the other way around.]
You sure are obsessed with this Emilia-tan, huh?
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I can’t help it. You understand, right?
[After all, Eren has a partner…partners? of his own. He’d get it. Invoking them seems to ease some of the tension, relieve some of the awkwardness.]
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Yeah, I do...
My wife...[After the cabin, he refuses to call her anything else.] We've known each other since we were nine years old. She lived with my family when we were kids.
[He almost can't believe he's saying it out loud to someone else, but...
[He thinks about his death, how the last thing he ever saw was her beautiful face...]
To me, there's no one else in the world more perfect.
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But…it’s not unpleasant.]
…That’s how I feel about Emilia. [He can’t help it, the silly grin that spreads across his face at the thought of her.] I haven’t known her since I was a kid or anything like that, but she’s really special to me. And I’m gonna make her see that.
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[His voice is quiet. The dullness in his eyes has given way to pure misery. His grip on Subaru tightens, fingers grasping.]
When you get back home...don't wait a second longer.
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- but even he can notice that something’s shifted in Eren. He looks at him with some confusion and concern.]
…You okay?
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[He has to be tired of hearing shitty news from Eren by this point, but isn't...the basis of that promise they made that they can be honest with each other? The words burn on his tongue. Every day, this just rots inside of him.]
Up to the end, I never told her how I felt. I tried to give her what I could, but...
[That grip becomes just a little tighter again.]
She's the one that had to kill me. She's...the last thing I ever saw...
[His voice gets very quiet.] Please...never tell Mikasa I told you that...
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…I promise.
[He can’t imagine it, keeping those feelings inside for so long - and then to meet his fate at her hands.
If it were Emilia…]
I won’t tell anyone.
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Your life doesn't have to end that way...but it could end before you managed to be together...
You can't let that happen...
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I won’t.
[His voice is firm. Reassuring.]
I’ve told Emilia how I feel about her. Now, I’ll just make her fall in love with me!
[It’s no small feat, to get someone to fall for you; but Subaru’s conquered far more impossible tasks.]
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You will...
[He turns his head, cheek pressed firmly against Subaru's chest. He can hear his heartbeat. It's nice. He wonders if Subaru thinks so too. Sleeping alone really is miserable. Eren's fingers scratch idly at his back.]
Do you consider yourself a special person...?
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[Subaru’s heartbeat changes at the line of questioning; it picks up an anxious pace.]
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[He isn’t. He isn’t special at all. That’s the monster hiding in the closet, what he’s been avoiding all this while; there’s nothing there, nothing remarkable about him at all. Return by Death is all he had to claim any difference with.
If he tries to say otherwise, Eren will see right through it. He’s sure of that.
He swallows.]
I used to.
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