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[victorypose]

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[wintolive]

[Eren nods, hanging his head as he does so in a lazy motion, bobbing up and down.]

I get it. Yeah. [His voice is quiet. When he lifts his head again, he cranes his neck, and tilts it all the way back, closing his eyes.

[Where would he end up if he woke up one day and Jean had disappeared? Or if they all did? He doesn't like to think about it. Losing Reiner has been hard enough; hard in its own uniquely painful, wretched, awful way.]

I went a long time here without losing anyone important. [He surprises himself with how easily he can use that word, but...it's true, isn't it? Love, hate - importance; he certainly can't argue that Reiner was a significant force in his life.]

I get it.

Bet Nowi would want you to keep eating, though...

[victorypose]

Yeah, she probably would.

[That guilt twists like a knife; he’s really letting everyone down, isn’t he?]

Bet she’d be disappointed to miss out on the sleepover too - that’s what she said living together would be like, just one big sleepover.

[There’s find reminiscence there. Living with someone for a handful of months, it’s hard not to get attached.]

If she was here, there’s be no getting out of it; we’d have to play games together.

[wintolive]

[Quite frankly, Eren is glad that it’s only him and Subaru there. He can’t really stand to look at anyone else right now. For the moment, only two people exist: the boy who ate the world, and the boy who knows - he knows - and wants to save him anyway.

[No extra sleepover guests. He wants to be unapologetically close.

[But he gets it; God, but does he ever understand grief.]

I can tell you miss her a lot. I’m sorry.

[victorypose]

It’s okay…it probably meant that her wish got granted, right? That’s good.

[He’s lying through his teeth. It hurts. He hates that he’s been left alone. That she gets to go back, and he’s left waiting, uncertain of everyone’s fates without him.

But with Eren, he doesn’t have to do that, does he? He’s already told all. There’s no need to pretend.

He sighs.]

…I used to live in a mansion with a bunch of other people. It was the kind of place where there was never a lonely moment.

[A bittersweet look crosses his face. He avoids Eren’s eyes.]

Before that…I spent a lot of time by myself. I even avoided others, you know? Not because I didn’t like people, or anything like that…

[It was just too much.

Idly, he plays with his fingers. He has no idea what to do with his hands.]

…I’d almost forgotten what it felt like.

[wintolive]

[Now feels like the wrong time to tell Subaru that Eren's wish coming true is what led to his future; maybe it all would have happened anyway, but the reason he knows now is because he lived the manifestation of that wish.

[Maybe Nowi's was kinder.]

I've never spent all that much time alone. [His voice is quiet. He notices Subaru fidgeting with his hands, so he takes them both in his, bringing them over to his lap. Thumbs idly stroke at nervous knuckles.]

I never lived in any mansion...but before I came here, I spent the last three years in a barracks with other soldiers.

[Before that, Armin and Mikasa - always. His heart aches painfully.]

Anyway...

Don't be lonely anymore. Just call me.

[victorypose]

[Subaru finds himself appreciating the touch; it’s reassuring, comforting. Eren’s hands are warm, inviting. It’s one thing to be in someone’s presence, it’s another to really feel it.

”Don’t be lonely anymore”, huh? Maybe he can really believe it.]

…It really wouldn’t be a pain?

[He shakes his head.]

Nah, I know you don’t just say stuff like that. Thanks, Eren.

[wintolive]

I wouldn't.

[Eren observes their hands, subdued. It's hard to tell if he looks tired or sad.]

To be honest with you, I can't really stand anyone else right now. Most people I'd rather just leave me alone.

[The unspoken, "But not you."]

[victorypose]

[He exhales.]

…Yeah, I get that.

[He can’t help it; a little bit of pride to be the exception. It feels like a warm glow.]

Well, you can stay however long you want, until you feel like being around them again. It’s not like I’m going anywhere.

[wintolive]

[Reiner is gone. Nowi is gone. Subaru can't promise that he isn't going anywhere; neither can Eren, but he has. He feels a lack of conviction when it comes to that promise now. He'd been so ready to take Vaeros on headfirst, make sure that people here had the choice. He still wants that, but maybe he isn't the type of person who can win a battle like that without complete destruction...

[Eren leans back on his hands, tilting his head back again and taking a deep breath. He pushes himself up from the bed and continues cleaning. It doesn't take long to get everything straightened. If Subaru lets him touch his room, he'll help there too.

[By the time the sun is down, he feels all at once exhausted.]

Hey. Do you have something I could change into?

[victorypose]

[Oh, right. He needs a change of clothes. Subaru hadn’t really given much thought to the practicalities of their sleepover all that much, to be honest.]

Yeah. I should have some spare pyjamas around here somewhere…

[He reaches into the closet and has a rummage around. Everything was neatly organised, but he’d let that get away from him too…]

Here. [He pulls out a pair, rather plain, and tosses them to Eren.] We’re probably around the same size, right?

[wintolive]

Probably about, yeah.

[Eren says this while quite casually changing into the pajamas right there in the same room. A lot of the boundaries most people know kind of fall away when you've had to shower and change in front of thirty other people for most of your adolescence.

[He picks up his discarded clothes and starts folding them.]

It's early, but...let's lie down a while anyway.

[victorypose]

[Eren definitely does not have a regular idea of boundaries…! Embarrassed, Subaru at least looks away to give him some privacy when he changes.

Honestly, it really shouldn’t be such a big deal, right…? They’re both guys, after all…]

Huh? [He turns when Eren speaks, relieved to see him dressed.] Oh - yeah, sure. I mean, you’ve been up and cleaning all this time, not to mention delivering food before that…

[It totally makes sense why he’d want to retire early!]

[wintolive]

[They're both guys, yeah; granted, most sixteen-year-old don't have a full blown six pack.]

Yeah...[He scratches a bit at the back of his head, awkward; when he talk, it looks like an admission.] Just haven't been sleeping that well, I guess.

[victorypose]

[That checks out, with all that Eren’s wrestling with.]

I can’t promise the comfiest bed in the world, but I do know a great way to fall asleep!

[wintolive]

Oh yeah? [He feels vaguely amused. Subaru is a funny guy - even when he doesn't mean to be.]

What's that?

[victorypose]

You just count Pucks!

[He says it triumphantly, like he’s revolutionised the game.

Only then does he realise-]

I guess it’s not so effective when you have no idea who that is, huh?

[wintolive]

Not so much.

[Eren takes a seat on the bed. It's plenty comfortable as far as he's concerned.]

[victorypose]

Well, he’s a furry little spirit that kind of looks like a cat. You don’t want to get on his bad side, but he’s pretty cute.

[He follows suit, sitting next to him on the bed. His movements are rather stiff and awkward.]

I guess anything cute and fluffy will do, but counting Pucks was the only way I could fall asleep before my date with Emilia-tan!

[Which…he died in the night shortly after. But that part’s not important here.]

[wintolive]

[Normal things that happen to normal people, that.

[He sure does talk about Emilia-tan a lot.]

Back home we would have counted sheep.

Never really worked for me...

[He scoots further onto the bed. It's not massive like the one he has at the cottage with Mikasa and Jean. He helps himself under the blanket, then holds it up for Subaru, as if it were him inviting the boy to his personal space, not the other way around.]

You sure are obsessed with this Emilia-tan, huh?

[victorypose]

[He crawls under the covers next to Eren. It’s only then he’s reminded of how small the bed is, and how close they are as a result.]

I can’t help it. You understand, right?

[After all, Eren has a partner…partners? of his own. He’d get it. Invoking them seems to ease some of the tension, relieve some of the awkwardness.]

[wintolive]

[One of Eren's arms finds its way around Subaru's middle, loosely wrapping. Their knees bump together under the covers, and Eren doesn't shy away, settling in instead. He lays his head on the pillow and watches Subaru. Eventually he nods.]

Yeah, I do...

My wife...[After the cabin, he refuses to call her anything else.] We've known each other since we were nine years old. She lived with my family when we were kids.

[He almost can't believe he's saying it out loud to someone else, but...

[He thinks about his death, how the last thing he ever saw was her beautiful face...]

To me, there's no one else in the world more perfect.

[victorypose]

[That touch - Subaru feels his pulse quicken, slightly. He’s still not used to how hands-on of a person Eren seems to be.

But…it’s not unpleasant.]

…That’s how I feel about Emilia. [He can’t help it, the silly grin that spreads across his face at the thought of her.] I haven’t known her since I was a kid or anything like that, but she’s really special to me. And I’m gonna make her see that.

[wintolive]

Don't wait...

[His voice is quiet. The dullness in his eyes has given way to pure misery. His grip on Subaru tightens, fingers grasping.]

When you get back home...don't wait a second longer.

[victorypose]

[He’d already confessed to her, it was just a matter of making that mean something -

- but even he can notice that something’s shifted in Eren. He looks at him with some confusion and concern.]

…You okay?

[wintolive]

[Eren's face contorts with pain. He curls into Subaru, putting his head on the boy's chest. He pulls him closer.

[He has to be tired of hearing shitty news from Eren by this point, but isn't...the basis of that promise they made that they can be honest with each other? The words burn on his tongue. Every day, this just rots inside of him.]

Up to the end, I never told her how I felt. I tried to give her what I could, but...

[That grip becomes just a little tighter again.]

She's the one that had to kill me. She's...the last thing I ever saw...

[His voice gets very quiet.] Please...never tell Mikasa I told you that...